Blame
by TerryJ
Summary: A one shot reflecting Delilah's feelings regarding the events of the season 14 finale and season 15 opening episodes. In times of trauma, sometimes our love and our worry become misdirected and continue to hurt.


_A/N: A one shot not related to my other story. Just catching up on season 15 and this thought was eating at me._

 _This is just a hypothetical of some behind the scenes tension we might not be seeing._

* * *

Delilah picked up the buzzing phone, "It's Abbey again."

Tim looked over from the couch, "She won't stop."

"No, I guess not." She sighed, "I just don't want you to feel pressured."

"I'm not." Tim sat up shaking his head, "They're my friends and I want to get back to normal."

His wife looked him over with an analytical eye, pausing before nodding, "Okay. Maybe we get together on Saturday? A picnic or something so if you get overwhelmed we can leave and come home?"

"I won't get overwhelmed. I promise." He smiled, "But yeah, sounds like a great plan."

Delilah smiled, "I'll let Abbey know." She opened up a new message, "And Bishop of course; Torres, Ducky and Jimmy." She looked up, "Maybe Breena too?"

Tim shrugged, "It would be good to see her." He reached across the table for his laptop, "Abbey sent me an email with Gibbs' new cell phone number..."

"Ohh..." Delilah winced, "Do you really want to invite him?"

Tim looked at her dumbly, "Of course..."

She shrugged, "It's just you said back to normal." She bit her lip, "Gibbs didn't used to hang out with us...normally."

"I just spent 2 months with him round the clock." Tim tilted his head.

"Right." Deliliah nodded, "And maybe he wants some space."

"Still, I should ask him." Tim reached for his phone.

"And then he'll just feel like he _has_ to be there." She gestured.

Tim frowned but lowered the phone, "You think...?"

She nodded, "Yes. Let's just..." She smiled, "Get back to normal. Your friends want to see _you."_

He stared at her for a long moment, "Okay."

* * *

"Delilah!" Ellie waved and hurried up the walkway, giving the other woman a hug in front of the doors to NCIS. "You here for Tim?"

"We've got a sonogram appointment." She nodded.

"That's so great." Ellie bounced, holding open the door. "He's said the two of you are working on making up for lost time."

"Yeah." Delilah pressed her hands against her abdomen, as they waited for the elevator, "Time we'll never get back; but we're doing what we can."

"Well, Gibbs _and_ director Vance have made it clear they'll be flexible for whatever time Tim needs to take." Ellie assured.

"I bet." Delilah muttered, rolling into the elevator and spinning around.

Ellie tilted her head but said nothing as the doors slid closed.

A hand appeared before they shut completely. The doors reopened revealing Gibbs, holding a cup of coffee.

As soon as he saw who was in the cart he looked down and swallowed but didn't move to enter.

Ellie frowned and held out a hand to keep the doors from sliding closed, "Gibbs? You coming?"

"Uh." He muttered, "Don't want to make it crowded." He gestured with his chin to the call buttons, "I can catch the next one."

Her brow furrowed and Ellie looked back to Delilah who was looking down. The silence stretched as she looked between the two until Delilah rolled back, "There's space."

Gibbs hesitated but gave a single nod and stepped into the elevator, keeping his back stiff and close to the door as they all rode up to the squad room. He stepped out as soon as they arrived and silently moved to his desk, sitting down and keeping his attention on the computer screens in front of him.

"Boss?" Tim looked up, following Gibbs' movements and frowning when Gibbs didn't acknowledge him.

"Hey Babe." Delilah rolled up, "Ready to go?"

Tim blinked to her, "Uh, yeah. Sure." He stood, looked back across the room, "Hon, just wait half a sec?"

She didn't argue, just backed out of his way when he stepped around the desk and stepped up to Gibbs.

"Boss?" He tilted his head, waiting for the other man to look up.

For a beat the two men looked at one another silently.

Gibbs tilted his head to the door, "Go Tim. Take your time."

Tim gave him one last evaluative look over before nodding, "K. Be back by 2."

* * *

"I mean, I know he's talking to the Doc too and he's certainly developed his own way of dealing with things but..." Tim sighed, staring at a french fry, "I can't help but worry about him. You know?"

Delilah shrugged, "Isn't he close with Vance? Or the FBI agent...Fornell?"

Tim shook his head, "Neither of them have any real basis of understanding." He sipped his coke, "I think I should try talking with him again. Now that everything is more stable, you know, I've got a better handle on my own stuff?"

"Tim..." Delilah sighed, reaching across the table and catching his hands, "Gibbs has always been able to take care of himself." Her thumbs ran over the back of his hands, "And I'm so proud of you for how much progress you've made with Doctor Confalone, but I'm not done worrying about you."

He flipped his hands over and grasped hers, "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled, "I just don't want anyone else's problems to hold you back."

Tim tilted his head with a frown but before he could question her, the restaurant's door opened and a familiar figure walked through.

He smiled, "Well here's timing." He waived, "Hey, Boss!"

Gibbs' head swiveled in his direction, a smile lighting up his face but fading just as quick. He took a deep breath and stepped up to the table. He lifted his chin to Delilah, "Good Afternoon."

"Hello." She answered coolly.

Gibbs cleared his throat and averted his eyes.

Brushing aside the frosty interaction, Tim smiled and gestured to the empty chair, "Join us?"

He shifted and rolled his neck, "Uh, oh, no..." He glanced to Delilah whose eyes were fixated on the table, "I don't think so. But, thanks McGee."

Tim furrowed his brow and looked between his boss and his wife. With a shake of his head and sharp exhale he stood, raising his voice, "Alright, this is _enough!_ "

Delilah looked up with arched eyebrows as Gibbs tilted his head.

"What is _with_ you two?" He gestured, "In May you stood with her when we got married and now..." He sighed, "Two of the most important people in my world won't even have lunch together. What is going on?!"

Gibbs pulled his eyes up to look at Delilah. He grimaced and shrugged, "It's nothing, Tim."

Delilah rolled her eyes.

"What? What was that?!" Tim pointed to her face. "Why?"

"Let it go Tim." Gibbs held up his hands, "I didn't mean to interrupt your afternoon."

"...Boss...?" Tim watched him take a step back.

"Let him go Tim. He's not going to apologize." Delilah shook her head and stirred her straw in her drink.

Tim held up a hand, halting Gibbs from leaving as he looked back to his wife, " _Apologize_? What on _earth_ does he have to apologize for?"

He frowned when her only answer was a clenching of her teeth, " _What?_ " He pressed again, looking between her simmering anger and Gibbs' apprehension. His mouth dropped open and he tilted his head, "...Paraguay...?"

Gibbs swallowed and shifted, eyes roving the room.

Tim shook his head and lowered himself into the chair so he could look Delilah in the eye, "There is _nothing_ for anyone to apologize for." He set his jaw, "I wouldn't have stayed alive without him. Wouldn't have made it home."

Delilah closed her eyes, tilting her head away.

"Wouldn't have been there at all." Gibbs added in a rough whisper.

Tim pulled up his head, "Wait, _what_?"

Delilah reached across the table, "We're married, with a kid on the way. He should _never_ have put you in that position to begin with!" She shook her head, "But once you were, Torres shouldn't have been coming home alone on that helicopter!"

"Delilah!" Tim's eyes went wide, "Don't say that!"

She clenched her jaw and glared at him.

"That's right." He nodded, "Be mad at _me_." He shook his head, "If there's anyone to blame it's not Nick and it's definitely not Gibbs."

He shot a glance to his boss who looked up for the first time.

Tim squeezed Delilah's hand but kept eye contact with Gibbs, "Before we even left town he told me the raid was optional. Reminded me that I had other considerations now but _I_ reminded _him_ that it was my job and _children_ were in trouble. I couldn't have opted out of that."

He took a deep breath and flicked his eyes to her, "And I _was_ in the helicopter. Gibbs sent us ahead and was going to hold off the rest on his own." He clenched his jaw, "But once the kids were safe I couldn't leave. _I_ made a choice to jump out and have his back as opposed to returning without him."

He swallowed, "That choice hurt you and I'm sorry. But it's not anyone's fault but my own." He looked up to Gibbs, "And I'd do it again. No hesitation."

Gibbs rocked his head to the side and breathed, "Ah, Tim..."

"No Boss." He shook his head, "This is on me. Any guilt you have is as misplaced as Delilah's anger." He squared his shoulders, "This is my _job_. And I'm proud of it. You have taught me a lot of things, but I learned to commit myself to doing the right thing long before I joined NCIS. Had I left you behind I wouldn't be able to look myself in the mirror." He squared up with the older man, "As long as I carry the badge you can't stop me from doing the job and I don't want you trying to protect me."

He looked between the two of them, "I'm sorry if that's a problem for either of you."

Gibbs didn't move from his position, stiffly standing a step away. Delilah sighed, tapping her fingers on the table. She tilted her head in Gibbs' direction, "You knew that he'd still come with you."

"I don't play games." He answered levelly, "The offer to sit the op out was was genuine. I've trusted Tim to make his own choices for a long time."

Her eyes narrowed as she looked him over, "Then what do you have to feel guilty about?"

His eyes widened marginally and he shifted back again, looking down. His mouth tensed and when he spoke his voice was low, "For being grateful that he was there."

He looked up, making eye contact with Tim and giving a slight acknowledgement with his chin. Tim's eyes widened marginally and the corner of his lips tipped up.

Delilah looked down for a long moment. Her eyes flicked over the man whom not long ago she had considered family. Gibbs subconsciously flexed his fingers at his side. She stared at the disfigured knuckle.

She sighed, tilting her head, "Are you okay?"

"Enough." He gave an automatic shrug.

She blinked, meeting his eyes for the first time in months, "That's not enough."

A smile began to pull at his mouth, "It is for now."

Tears began to brim in her eyes, "I'm sorry Gibbs." She shook her head, "So, so sorry."

"Nothing for that." He shook his head, "We're all here."

"Yes." She reached back to Tim's hand, "We are." She looked up and patted the chair next to her, "Join us?"

Gibbs tilted his head, eyes reading her until she sighed, "Please?"

He exhaled and nodded, stepping closer and pulling out the chair. Before sitting he leaned over and dropped a kiss to her forehead, "I'm sorry, Delilah."

She wiped the tears from her eyes and shook her head, "Here." She reached across the table, taking Tim's plate, "Have Tim's fries."

"Hey!" Tim straightened, "Wait a minute, just like that you two are going to be buddies and stealing my food?"

Gibbs settled into the chair and, smirking, picked up a fry, "I just listen to the woman, Tim. You should try it."

Delilah smiled sweetly at her husband, taking a tomato off his plate.

"Okay..." Tim grinned, "Okay."

* * *

 _A/N II: I **really** do like Delilah but things like this are traumatic for all involved; including those left behind feeling helpless. It's not uncommon for worry to become misdirected anger and it certainly would be easier to be angry at Gibbs as her husband's boss, than to be angry at the love of her life / father of her child whom she was overcome with gratitude to have home. _

_And Gibbs *did* try to tell McGee he had other considerations before undertaking the mission so I'm sure his reaction at McGee showing up at his side was initially anger too. And it makes sense to be grateful to have someone with you when going through hell but it makes sense that Gibbs' would feel guilty for being grateful Tim was there when he knew Tim had sacrificed so much._

 _In 15-1 Delilah repeatedly just refers to the hunt for her husband, with no reference to Gibbs and then Gibbs didn't want to intrude in at Tim's homecoming and in 15-2 it seemed like Gibbs and Tim hadn't seen each other since coming home. So all this kind of got in the way and would simmer until they have it out; likely with Tim oblivious to it the whole time._

 _I'm not really thrilled with how this came out - but a lot of mind space is dedicated to other projects; would love to see someone take on a multichapter character study of the real complications behind coming home._


End file.
